Wednesday, 4th January, 2012 12:55:29am
Name or Alias:
Training and/or processing level:
academy tr's, some basic auditing (I was Foundation staff, meaning 'hind tit' when it came to services and training)
Org or location:
Time involved in the Church of Scientology:
Recommended Website - n/a
- 1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of
- I met a guy who was already involved with Scn. It was a 'love me, love my religion' thing and I was young and dumb.
- 2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
- Truthfully the only thing that appealed to me about Scn was the fact that my boyfriend was in it. I went in believing it was a scam. Everything I subsequently saw, did and read in relation to the Church only confirmed that opinion. I stayed because of the stubborn resolve to make believe as hard as I could that I wasn't making the mistake that I knew-and everyone else around me knew- I was making...with the Church and the guy.
- 3. Were there problems in your life that you thought
scientology would address?
- I wanted certainty. Scn was more than willing to provide me with all the certainly I could ever want, provided I swallowed it all without complaining about how ridiculous it was. Sadly, I had just come out of three years of being drug through my mothers' Born Again religious mania, so I was well familiar with how much 'ridiculous' people were willing to swallow in exchange for certainty, and I more than halfway believed that something was wrong with me for being unable to find the same sort of comfort.
- 4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't
seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were
they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
- Oh, time for some natter, huh?
I worked with an HCO admin who was an admitted child molester(Seattle Center Org, 1979-80). The man had never made acquaintance with a bar of soap in his life, I am convinced, and as he sat and held forth he would continuously pick his nose, carefully examining the results on the end of one grubby finger before wiping it on the bottom of his shoe. Anyone who worked in the Seattle Org in the late '70s will know exactly who I mean. He was only slightly more awful than the ethics officer who set fire to the building at 9th and Pine Org, Portland Oregon, 1979...but not quite as flamboyantly evil as the other member of the same ethics department who was a rapist, a wife beater, and was questioned in connection with the Green River killings...seems the police had him pegged as a frequent 'visitor' to the Sea-Tac stroll.
Generally speaking thoughh, the typical Foundation staff member was young, undereducated, poor as a churchmouse and utterly untrained for whatever position they were supposed to be manning. Their on-the-job performance bore this out. The Seattle HCO churned out reams and reams of mail (which Scn is notorious for anyway) which under policy was to leave the org by a certain time each Friday...so each Friday afternoon found the Seattle HCO staff OUT IN THE PARKING LOT BEHIND THE BUILDING sorting mail on the backs of cars, sometimes on into the night, sometimes taking turns holding umbrellas as the others loaded mail crates. The auditing admin was a blazing, flaming bull dyke who would appear once every few weeks dressed in her black wing tips and flannel shirts (no cut on gays, but we all know how much Hubbard loved them, right?)and then disappeared, leaving the bulk of her work to a man who probably had not bathed or changed clothes since the Johnson administration and was a functional illiterate. Under his management, case files were regularly transferred by GREYHOUND BUS via the luggage compartment from org to org. The auditor who ministered to staff was a woman who spoke English as a second language...badly. Everyone smoked like fiends and, perhaps feeling a nagging sense of entitlement due to the fact that they never saw a dime from the Church, essayed many a clandestine raid on the pack of smokes left out on the desk maintained for LRH's use, should he ever deign to visit. It got to be such a problem that they finally locked it in a drawer.
Me, I was 'hatted' for Central Files. My final 'test' consisted of reciting the alphabet forward and backward from any point dictated by the admin. And then I was let loose in what had been the kitchen/pantry/walk-in freezers of the Seattle Elks Lodge, now filled haphazard stacks of broken cardboard boxes spilling old correspondance, old case files, random receipts, old policy letters that had never been destroyed and ethics files, which I proceeded to read. It was like an episode of Hoarders: Buried Alive, and was overrun with rats and mice.
Each new outrage, each new example of dim witted fuckery and blatant out-ethics, let alone the utter absurdity of L.Rons writings, made me feel so completely hopeless and trapped that belief never had a chance to be born, let alone die. But I stayed.
- 5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of
- Because I was 'in love'. And I was going to be a good wife, and I was going to try hard, and I was going to 'make it work', as we were always being exhorted.
- 6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or
an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on
staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
- I was Foundation staff at the Portland Org and also at the Seattle Org. Both times in the HCO.
- 7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a
- I had been edging my way out for a few months when I found out that my husband was having an affair. With a fellow Scientologist...who had been my bridesmaid. Oh yes. Turns out, my husband had been having affairs steadily,all along, with the full knowledge of everyone around me, good Scientologists all. The ethics officers had been telling him to keep it to himself so as not to 'enturbulate' things.
- 8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some
of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those
practices affect your life?
- I think the Church of Scientology should be exposed for the money-making racket it is. It is a scam from top to bottom as administrated. How did it effect me? It's only effect on me is what I allowed to happen as a result of my own weakness and inability to 'not belong'. I came out of it feeling ashamed of the things I had done and seen.
- 9. If the items you listed in the previous question were
changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of
Scientology? If so, why?
- Dear God NO. Never.
- 10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
- I was part of Scientology at the end, when Hubbard was insane, on drugs and dying, and the policy letters were coming thick and fast and getting more paranoid, strident and incoherent literally by the hour. I saw what was a farce to begin with capsize and sink in a sewer of it's own madness. I saw how quickly and seamlessly the palace takeover proceeded...names we'd been hearing more frequently in connection with 'The Old Man' suddenly began issuing policy and dictating practices contradictory to those in place only hours before. Miscavage is a criminal. But no more a criminal than anyone else on staff who reads the revised 'Fair Game' policy and nods in agreement, or who administers a Personality test and then goes on to falsify the outcome, in accordance with procedure. Or who goes on 'fact finding missions' for the Ethics office or the GO.
The other thing I'd like to say about Scientology is this: The whole of the Scientology canon is embarassingly, foolishly, painfully ridiculous; the maunderings of a mentally ill, self-deluded man who believed that if a thing occurred to him, it was the truth. Any reasonably well-read person examining it will come to the same conclusion, particularly if they've been exposed to any of the popular fiction of the 40's and 50's. Scientology is not only a lie, it's a really poorly written, badly imagined lie. I am ashamed to have even been a peripheral part of it.
That people sincerely believe in it is a testiment to the truth of the old saying 'There's a sucker born every minute'. In practice it is proof of the other old saying... 'Beware of stupid people in large groups'.