Wednesday, 7th May, 2008 11:52:20pm
Name or Alias:
Training and/or processing level:
Clear - Class V Auditor
Org or location:
Time involved in the Church of Scientology:
Recommended Website - ex-scientology-kids
- 1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of
- Personality test at time of breakup with fiance, plus I knew a couple of people who I thought were very cool who were involved. The test got me in, the intro routine got me interested, the Dianetics book got me excited and the friends got me hooked by being nice to me when I was in a sad frame of mind.
- 2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
- It seemed to be a step by step, methodical technique to repair thought patterns one had accumulated as a result of life confusions and upsets. Despite some of the info in Dianetics being very far fetched, one wants to believe in the things that seem plausible, especially when some simple datum or technique does appear to work or improve one's sense of well being. There was also the mystery and fun of the rumours of past lives and OT abilities, as well as the sense of belonging to a group (at a time when I had lost a girlfriend), especially a group that claimed to be there to help create a better world (hey, I said I was in California, right?).
- 3. Were there problems in your life that you thought
scientology would address?
- The standard procedure in Scn. for a new person who is 'reaching' is to 'find their ruin' - for me that was simple - love was my ruin - but oddly enough, they kept trying to *tell* me that love was my ruin, or usually they claimed it was sex. Well, that was a waste of time, duh, I already knew that, what got me hooked was the 'tech' - there were some things that made sense and there just *might* be some workable methods to help alleviate upsets, and what's more there was the promise of *gains*, not just getting rid of the bad, but actually making things better. For a long time in my life I had been interested in things metaphysical and so on, and it all appealed to me. It's funny - while I was in, I met someone who I fell in love with and married (still going strong) and thus my original 'ruin' was and is handled, but they never would let this go, and insisted on trying to re-ruin me by telling me my love life was messed up and auditing me on relationship and sex related topics right until the end. (inside joke - I'm happily married and what I really want handled is my ability as an auditor and what do I get? FPRD on the 2D. I think the CS was writing a steamy novel and was short of material. Who knows?)
- 4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't
seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were
they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
- Right from day one there were things that didn't seem right, or were obviously just plain wrong. You set these aside because you don't want to be disagreeable, or because you are made to feel you just don't understand it fully (you have misunderstood words or false data), or you guess that someone who wrote it down got it wrong and eventually the real LRH wisdom would be uncovered, or you are paralyzed by fear because (you are told) your eternity is in jeopardy. Things like no pay, no time off, bogus info in LRH biography (physicist? naval hero? um, no, I don't think so), the occasional racist or homophobic remark in a book, missing information (where is Ron's wife? kids? where the f**k is Ron?). Missing evidence (see Mission Into Time). Crazy shit (see History of Man). Being told 'if you join staff you can do ___, you can have ___', and then it turns out it isn't true. Being told that 'verbal tech' is a crime and then getting subtle verbal tech from almost anyone. Being told some other person is a no-case-gain suppressive person (when you can see at a glance that they just don't believe it and they happen to have a severe speech problem). Being tricked, being lied to. Seeing others ridiculed behind their backs. Seeing assholes get respect because they have money and are thus 'upstat'.
- 5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of
- After a point one doesn't choose. Decisions are made for you by senior staff, ethics officers or Hubbard. Thinking is frowned upon, and getting access to any data which might cause you to think is carefully guarded. Don't look at TV, must not talk to anyone who is critical, other viewpoints are suppressive. You agree to this because you believe what is at stake is 'total freedom' and the fate of 'every man, woman and child for the next endless trillions of years.' You believe this because you are told this constantly and it *might* be true, and anyway if you disagree you lose all your friends, your job, your self-respect (what you *think* is integrity because LRH has a bulletin that tells you what that is and what to think) and so on.
- 6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or
an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on
staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
- Mission public for a year, then Mission staff for 4 years, then org public for several years, then drifted away to become one of the silent majority - don't say anything, don't make any waves because you might be cutting yourself off from total freedom, or be disconnected from your family, or have your career and life ruined by fair-game practices.
- 7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a
- There were two major things that made me drift away; the fact that my wife was not interested in doing any scientology and had problems with me spending vast sums of money on it (Oh Noes! I was PTS!). It was plain to me, in my brainwashed state of mind, that I could not make any more gains if I was connected to someone who didn't agree with what I was doing. But, well, she was more important to me. Sorry Ron, my ruin got handled! The other thing was seeing Scn. change from an almost workable organization in 1982 to a messed up fake in 1993 when David Miscavidge did a big event to explain how the 'church' had handled the IRS. In this event, he (DM) played a trick on us, his audience, and made us all wrong. He said at first 'hey, you know the IRS is all bad hats, right?', we all said 'yeah!' and then he said 'well, no, you're wrong because I fixed it up so the IRS is all cool with us'. It's a really small, subtle thing, but right then I said to myself 'this isn't scientology' - he played a trick on us to make himself look good, and by doing so he showed he had contempt for us all, despite the fact that we worked our asses off trying to make the world better. Asswipe.
- 8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some
of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those
practices affect your life?
- There are some good things one can learn from the writings one finds in Scn. I doubt very much if Ron deserves the credit for most them, but they are there. Unfortunately, Ron delivers this information inextricably mixed in with crazy, paranoid, cult mind control BS. I don't think that the 'church' as an organization could ever take responsibility for separating the wheat from the chaff, let alone try to effect such a radical change. Doctrine forbids it. If one wished to, one could endeavor to find for oneself whatever workable or useful information exists there, and use it according to ones own desires. I think that eventually, the staff and public will cease to support the organization enough for it to continue in its current, execrable, cultish form. There will always be adherents to one degree or another - the variety of viewpoints in the so-called freezone demonstrates this. Even if the 'church' management suddenly became 100% ethical, correct and benificent, the doctrine itself prohibits the organization from acting in a truly benign manner.
- 9. If the items you listed in the previous question were
changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of
Scientology? If so, why?
- No. Whatever workable technology exists does not require an organization anything remotely resembling a church or cult or even an organization at all. Even an organization with the express goal of carefully and scientifically locating and validating proven and effective technology gleaned from Scientology I would not join. You have to understand that Scn. stole from me years and years of my *own* understanding of life, no matter how pathetic or misguided it might be, and replaced it with pain, fear and lack of confidence. I am not giving up the years I have left.
- 10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
- I think that any activity which is lawful and non-destructive which accelerates the non-violent dissolution of the current Scientology organization is laudable and good. In particular, I think that any effort to get true and correct data into the hands of current staff and parishioners is the most effective tactic. Actual statistics, bona-fide evidence of misdeeds and lies, these are the tools of change.