Scientology - Through the Door


Thursday, 17th April, 2008 10:24:35pm

Name or Alias: Stewart Gardner
Training and/or processing level: BSM and other basic courses/Communication release
Org or location: NY Org
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: 10 years
Recommended Website - http://
1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?
My dad was really involved. He was a single father who was looking for a way to help his three kids and saw the Dianetics commercial. So he did a bunch of courses and auditing then brought the three of us in.

2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
Scientology and Dianetics promised basicly everything I could want. Better communication, abilities, inteligence etc. I told some Scientology staff about some telepathic and precognitive experiences I had a few times in the past and I was assured that these experiences would become common place once I did processing (this totally did not happen).

3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?
I was a confused sort of depressed kid. Did drugs and poorly in school. Latter when I was out of Scientology I realized on my own this had to do with the absense of my mother, which strangely enough did not come up much really in session.

4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
One of the first things I did not like was the clapping at the LRH statue or picture after course or after events. I thought that was really freaky.
Latter I saw the poor way staff was treated and paid. Also the people who were devout never seemed like winners to me, they always seemed a little off. Also at one point my father disconected from me while he was taking the PTS/SP course because I was supposedly out ethices and PTS. When that happened I knew something was f'ed up with the whole system.

5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?
I think because my family was involved and there was pressure for me to do. At first it so I would stay off drugs and out of trouble. Then you meet some people and have friends there and there becomes a peer presure thing. Soon enough my brother and sister were there too so it was something we all did.

6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
I did some a stint on staff but hated the experience for the most part, but was pressured into staying on since I promissed to keep a 2 1/2 year commitment, and as a Scientologist you are supposed to keep your commitments and not abandon the group once joined. I hated being on staff most of the time I was there, but was up-stat a good bit of the time. Having sea org people try to tell me to do 'programs' and such was awefull, they are never satisfied. The worst were some bulk mail or other stat increasing inititives where at the end of the week you would have to work all night with maybe 2 hours sleep to get stats up, then you would get up and go back to work at the Org and have to work the whole day exhausted. They figured this was ok since you were a thetan and had to 'make it go right'. Also you would work all week like 80 hours and then get a pay check for $50.

7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a "final straw"?
I was doing some NED auditing since they though I had gone clear or was close to being so, from some other auditing I had. I began to realize that the auditing was making me feel worse, like I knew they wanted me to say this or that but that I did not feel like the auditing was working, it was not giving me the big gains I was promised for all these years in spite of the fact I had done 100s of hours, in fact I felt it was f'ing with my mind. They started regging me to buy more auditing since my hours were getting low. I had spent like 35k on auditing mind you. At this point I really felt like I had been duped. I suffered for the next three or so years paying off that loan for the auditing that in my opinion did me much more harm then good. I felt like I was going crazy from it, I told them this and they said it was not possible since even if there were mistakes in the sessions LRH says any auditing is better then no auditing. And I must be out ethics or I have to read more LRH stuff to have the bigger wins.

8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?
The whole paying nothing to its staff taking every dime from its members is a true crime. It's like they don't value people but they say they do. By their actions in my opinion all they really value is money. They want all your money and will tell you, you will 'pull-in' more money if you do this and that process or course. Or you have to make it go right cause LRH says you have to act OT. So pay up and be OT, be at cause over money. You will gain abilities from the service you pay for which will make you able to make the money to pay back the money you borrow.

9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?
No, I really used to think it was the answer to lifes mysteries, it was the way to total freedom and all that crap. Now having been out for a while and being able to go back and look at the whole experience, to me it now just seems like a cruel scam. But I do think all the people in there believe it to the fullest, you have to, to be there. But no I do not think I would re-join. I am scared of the auditing now, I do think it may very well be a type of brainwashing. I felt messed up in the head for a while after I stopped the auditing and it took me a while to get my head straight.

10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
Scientology is very weird, it says one bunch of things which are all good stuff like total freedom for the individual and we want to help people get of drugs or stop crime or religious freedom and so forth. But when you are in there you see something else from what is said. You see people go broke paying for services they are hard sold on, or who are poor because they are on staff. You see sea org missions come and take staff away or make the staff reg hard for money. You see people promise you all kinds of things on how you will be better if you do this or that (all of which cost lots of money). But then you do them and the wins are OK but never live up to the hype. I will say I did get some value from the study tech, looking up words in the dictionary and so forth has made me a better student. But overall from my experience the auditing and the training is just not worth the high price.

I mean looking for answers is great, and Scientology says it has the answers to pretty much all of mans ills. It tells you it is the only way to total freedom, the only tech that works. But if it is not the real thing then it is truly an evil thing, tricking the weak, who are looking for help out of their money, and leeving them broke and f'ed in the head.

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