Wednesday, 15th May, 2002 09:52:39pm
Name or Alias:
Training and/or processing level:
Org or location:
Time involved in the Church of Scientology:
Recommended Website - N/A
- 1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of
- My parents were Scientologists. I was raised with alot of it;s principles and I did my first course when I was 7 or 8 years old. I continued to do introductory courses and then harder courses as I neared high school age. It was mostly agreeable common sense stuff. After I completed alot of the basic stuff all that was left was harder courses like training to be a professional scientology counselor and stuff and I wasn't all that interested. I was more concerned with school.
- 2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
- Alot of the beginning basic stuff is about morals and tips to be a good student and it was pretty good advice. Like pulling your weight in your family and the 3 barriers to study.
- 3. Were there problems in your life that you thought
scientology would address?
- I was just a kid. Scientology made my mom and dad happy. My mom and dad had major ups and downs in there relationship and it always worried me that they were going to break up. I think I hoped scientology would fix all my families problems. It was very important to my father that I learn about Scientology. He considered it the most important thing in his life. I hated to disappoint him and thought he basically knew what he was doing.
- 4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't
seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were
they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
- I noticed alot of pressure early on as a kid taking courses. There was a high level of stress at the org and I always had to act exhilirated about what I learned or I was just being negative. I felt insulted one time by a staff member at an off moment when I didn't have my exhilaration persona fully in operation and it really pissed me off.
Don't ask me why but I joined the Sea Org with my mother after my parents abrubtly divorced when I was a teenager and we had decided to move to Clearwater. All of a sudden I decided being a scientology staff member was exactly what I needed to be happy in life. Funny I didn't care to be on services the whole year before but know I want to quit everything I had going and join the S.O. I think I confused wanting to help people and do something fulfilling with my life with being a Sea Org member.
While the staff are absolutely 'out of this world' pleasant to you as a public 'paying' and recieving services, once you cross the threshold and put on a uniform you might as well be an animal. The Way to Happiness and all all those pretty little things that LRH wrote about how to conduct yourselfs around people DON'T APPLY in the Sea Org at least not while I was there. There are volumes about how the Sea Org is run and the most important thing about it that I wish I had known that would have made me re-evaluate my decision is that, if I turns out that you made a poor decision about joining the S.O., you can't just apologize profusely for the inconvenience and pack your bags. That's the understatement of the year. Well, it probably didn't help that I stuck around for several years but still. The concept that I wasn't in control of my person was a new one for me and one I definitely learned there. People please believe me when I say that there is no worse feeling of incapability and weakness when you know that you will be kept on church premises until they are prepared to let you go unless you are extremely clever and stupid.
- 5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of
- It was the only thing I knew and it seemed ok to me. To me it was pretty black and white (a.k.a I was nieve) Either be a scientologist or be a completely unhappy, dishonest, promiscusous person who probably needed to resort to drugs to make it through each agonizing day.
- 6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or
an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on
staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
- Flag 5 years.
- 7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a
- I spent almost the entirety of my teenage years in the Sea Org and I did some growing up during this time. I slowly got used to the fact of not living with family and making my own decisions. I observed how staff members and public faired at Flag and came to realize that there is more to life than trying to achieve a personal released state through auditing. One could also just decide to live life as fully as one can. Also, something about going free only if I can pay for $200,000 dollars worth of services and/or having someone spend like 500 hours auditing me was not an attractive point. I had experienced so little in life that I felt I wouldn't have enough things to talk about in session. Hey when I'm fifty I'll probably have some things to talk about but I was 21 and had lived a pretty protected life. Sitting in a goddamn chair for so many hundreds of hours of mine and their time did not appeal to me.
Also, the church is extremely rigged about it's beliefs and yours don't matter at all. Don't think that you can be an individual and still be part of the group. Sure you can have individual thoughts as long as you are willing to completely renounce them if they happen to ever contradict an L. Ron Hubbard utterance. Because LRH is a true OT and he has no bank. Having any disaggrements with him is symptomatic of your lack of spiritual attainment and out of control reactive mind which I also might add, is now acting to slow down the gargantum task to clear the planet. If that somehow makes you feel bad, remember that's just your reactive mind again and you need to get ahold of it before it starts pissing people off and they start doing actions with you like making you do conditions or pulling your witholds. By the way that is a never ending process, at least it was for me, because it was supposed to result in an even better more able me, but it resulted in a more ashamed and battered me.
- 8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some
of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those
practices affect your life?
- scientology should concentrate on their basic stuff more and also consider the possibility that some people may be upset with them and not to pass judgement on people.
I have been out of the Sea Org 21/2 years and my father doesn't want to consider that in any way I was wronged by them. My life has completely changed forever and I can't have casual and honest intercourse about it because it is such an incredibly sensitive subject.
- 9. If the items you listed in the previous question were
changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of
Scientology? If so, why?
- I like any group that tries to help people unfortunately, I'm too burned out to go back to the church even if I got rich and they had a change of heart about my ethics and worth as a spiritual being.
- 10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
- I believe people that choose Scientology over immediate family are in a very desperate state to 'achieve happiness'. After being out of scietology for 2 years know I can honestly say that you can't buy happiness and I can find other ways to get 'happy' then sitting in a chair for hours and hours answering 'powerfull' questions.