Scientology - Through the Door

Interviews

Thursday, 9th May, 2002 02:47:01pm

Name or Alias: exscnmem
Training and/or processing level: Clear/Some Admin, Tech & Ethics Training
Org or location: Bay Area, CA
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: early 1990's ~5 years
Recommended Website - N/A
1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?
Someone came to my door with a personality test. I thought it would be a fun thing to do - I figured I knew my personality pretty well. I hadn't ever heard for Dianetics or Scientology.
They called & said they had my results, but wouldn't give them over the phone or mail them - I thought that was fishy, but went in anyway. I had known my personality - the graph came out pretty much like I thought. But therefore, the reg was having trouble 'ruining' me. I knew my weaknesses, and didn't much care to improve them (I wasn't too bad off & figured there needs to be different types of people in this world). I think it was about a 2 hour reg cycle. I finally decided to just buy the damn auditing to get this lady out of my face about it.
Looking back - I should have just walked out of there.


2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
I didn't get much out of the Book I auditing I received, nor from the Dianetics book. However, there was this cute staff member....So it wasn't so much as Scientology appealing to me, as a Scientologist appealing to me.

3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?
Not at first. A little at a time, I 'realized' that maybe life would be better if I could just get to that next level. And some parts of my life did improve. I got into a sane relationship with that cute staff member (sane at first, anyway). I felt like I was much more outgoing & assertive.

4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
Again, not at first. There was very good PR at my mission/org. Everyone seemed so dedicated & doing everything possible to Save the Planet. Later, when I joined staff, there was another side to it. Staff barely making enough to eat, pay bills/rent. Squabbles among staff. The overwhelming desire to make more money (mainly so the staff could survive better). We all set aside these feelings, because we were doing the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics. We were going to Clear Planet Earth. Many of us were 'jealous' of SO staff - they didn't have to pay rent & got their food for free. We had heard of 'rice and beans' from former SO staff - but they made it sound like they had been REALLY out-ethics for that to have happened. And some days staff didn't even have $$ for rice & beans, so that sounded good!
I never experienced disconnection, nor had to enforce it (I was an ethics terminal for a while).

I think I never had to 'set aside my feelings' because at first, there was nothing bad. Then later, I didn't see things as bad, as I was more indoctrinated to Scientology 'beliefs' (they were 'truths' at the time).


5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?
I wanted to stay in my relationship. The 'goals & ideals' of Scientology seemed good, I really thought I was helping people out. The tech seemed good & it seemed to work. I felt good when I attested to Clear.
Could I have gotten these 'gains' some other way - now I think so. At the time, I thought Scientology was the only answer.


6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
I was public - I paid for my bridge. For the whole ~5 years I had a constant credit card debt of about $50,000. If I paid part of it off, I'd put more on. It was ugly.
I was on staff part time at an org. I was in Div 6 (public division), trying to get new people into Scientology. I was also in Div 1 (HCO) doing ethics & justice actions, communications (god how I hated the telex machine & Thurs stats!), and recruiting (which I was terrible at).
I signed an SO contract, but never routed in, due to my debts. Lucky me, I guess.


7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a "final straw"?
My realtionship broke up and it was really bad - I was cheated on & the other person was also a staff member. Things were ugly for a while.
Then I met someone not in Scientology. This person wanted nothing to do with it, but didn't prevent me from doing it. However, I was working all the time - I was worn out, tired, sick of all the crap. I blew, but did pay my freeloader's debt (it was small, since I had just signed a new contract). Did attempt to 'stay in good standing', but then eventually just never went back.


8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?
I don't know if it could. There's so much wrong in the upper levels, but in the lower levels, people are trying to 'help' people. The staff are just dedicated to something really ugly that they just don't see - I don't know how or if that could be changed.

9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?
No - I've read too much on the internet about LRH - some I believe, some I don't. But there's enough out there that I'm not interested in it anymore. I think I can get 'gains' without Scientology.

10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
No

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