Scientology - Through the Door


Monday, 2nd October, 2006 10:30:17pm

Name or Alias: oarahwahkr
Training and/or processing level: Cl. lV, OEC, OT 5
Org or location: Flag, AOLA,
Time involved in the Church of Scientology: 30 years
Recommended Website - Operation Clambake; Lermanet
1. How did you first become acquainted with the Church of Scientology?
I was interested in doing a personality test, and I was
interested in past lives. I walked in.

2. What initially appealed to you about scientology?
I was interested in past lives, and was told by the person evaluating my personality test that 'in Scientology you can find out who you were in your past lives'. Also it looked like it might be fun to do, because I saw people doing drills with each other that looked interesting.

3. Were there problems in your life that you thought scientology would address?
I was actually very bright and happy. I looked at life as an adventure and every day was a blank page that would be written.
I was filled with a sense of exploration to see what every day held. I was happy. So, no there were no problems that I was needing to solve.... short of a specific direction. I was a musician and perhaps was looking for some direction to be successful as a musician.

4. Did you see, experience, or hear about things that didn't seem right while you were in the Church of Scientology? What were they, and what convinced you to set aside your feelings?
I could never come to terms with the prices. I've had many arguments about that.... my argument was... if the bridge is so necessary and the planet won't survive unless everyone is on the bridge, and there are 10,000 people auditing on OT Vll.... then why is it so expensive?
It would seem to me that if it took 10,000 people auditing on OT Vll to tip the 'entheta-theta' ratio and save the planet, why wouldn't they just be giving it away!
I also didn't agree with being a staff member and having no life.
(I was on staff for 8 years... 5 at the a Cl. 4 org, and 3 in the SO.)
Also, I didn't agree with the crush recruitment of new people.
I was a Div. 6 Course supervisor in the early '80's, and I used to guard my course room door at night so that the students could leave without being harassed to join staff, or buy books, or join the sea org, or get regged for their training packages.... when they'd literally been on their first div 6 course for one or two nights.
Also I didn't agree with threats. One Sunday evening I came home from post and shortly thereafter was called to come back to supervise all evening. I refused. The threat was to come back immediately or I'd get my face smashed in.
I didn't agree with the double standards for public.
At AOLA when a celebrity was expected, the red carpet would be rolled out. Meanwhile, there were people there who'd come from far away, including other countries, staying for months on end at great personal expense who didn't get any such consideration.

Celebrities were not to be approached for anything. 'Joe Public' was to bear the brunt of every need the church had.

The church is rampant with cliques. I disagreed with that.
I found calling non-scientologists, 'wogs' a terrible thing for a religion to do. Hearing the terms 'wog world', or 'wog job'
or 'wog friends' used so blatantly by so many scientologists...
not even being aware of the history of that word and the degradation and separation it caused ... person from person.

I found the viewpoint that scientologists are so superior to 'wogs'... disturbing to say the least. That whole idea of
'we know and they don't'...
In one breath they're talking about 'clearing the planet' and a world without insanity,.... etc.... and in the same breath they're talking about how superior they are.

I also was disgusted by the concept of 'granting beingness'...
where you 'grant beingness' or 'give beingness' to others.

People have their personalities all on their own. They are who they are. They don't get it from scientologists!

I also had to constantly 'handle myself' when it came to 'hip hip hooraying' for L. Ron Hubbard's picture... althought it was supposed to be for him. I never could quite really give my heart to that one. And I used to believe there was something wrong with me for feeling that way.

Lots of people write about the atrocities they went through.
I had my share of those as well. You can't be in for 30 years and not have had your share of trauma... but it was really so many of the little details that added up for me.

Why did I set aside my feelings and continue to believe?
Early on, I really bought that ron hubbard was a good man. I was only 23 when I got involved. It's a vulnerable age when one is
idealistic, looking for a path, looking for guidance... looking for something to believe in.

Coming across this group, in the '70's that spoke of past lives, and wonderful abilities to be gained, and the promise of success and spiritual freedom for eternity...

Those are very heady concepts for a niave, young, adventurous and idealistic artist.

Too young and inexperienced to be able to recognize and face the
things that didn't quite add up.
Also in the '70's there was no internet.
Ron Hubbard said a very true thing: If it's real for you, it's real. Then he went about setting down ideas, one by one, bit by bit that a person could agree with.

A snake could swallow an elephant if the bites are small enough and the time period is long enough.

The coup however for him must have been when he could get the person to agree that whatever he said was truth.
If you didn't agree with this 'great' man... something was wrong with you.
So long as you could buy into that one, well, you were in.
That happened to me. I bought into that.
I set aside my feelings because I believed that no matter how crazy the people in the churches seemed to be, it was because they needed help. They needed training. They needed to go up the bridge. They needed the services. So I stayed... to help.

5. Why did you choose to stay in the Church of Scientology?
I chose to stay because I believed in Ron. I believed what he said was the truth. My mind became corrupted at an early age, and I lost a lot of my reasoning powers. When you're so involved
and you've made the decision that this is your group and there is so much agreement, and you're separated from the rest of the world then many inconsistancies slide by without you even noticing any more.

One chief mandate of the church is to keep it's people very close.
If you're staff, you're there all the time. If you're public there is a lot of pressure to be there all the time.
You don't socialize with 'wogs'. Your social activities are all at the church. Anything else is considered 'dillitantism' or
'other fish to fry' or 'off purpose'...
So you stop seeing the outside world as it really is. You buy into the black propaganda about the world.
Also the more up the bridge you go, the more you're admired by particularly people lower on the bridge. They think you can
read their minds, and do magical things.
I think it must be a hideous pressure for those people at the top of the bridge to continue to live that lie.
I stayed because I believed it was the only hope for mankind.

6. Were you staff or public? If staff, was it at a mission or an org? Were you ever in the Sea Org or OSA? Which unit? If not on staff, did you ever volunteer to 'help out'?
I was staff for 5 years. I was in the Sea Org...
in Los Angeles for 3 years. I was public for the remainder of the time. I did a lot of helping out and volunteering.

7. Why did you leave the Church of Scientology? Was there a "final straw"?
It was a gradual thing for me. First I moved away from the city where I'd been deeply involved with the church. Then I happened to marry a person who never really bought it and continued to very subtly point out things to me that just didn't seem right. I was able to look... little by little.
I started reading books that were not by L. Ron Hubbard, and I started branching out with my thoughts. I read a book by Julia Cameron called 'The Artists Way'. It was non threatening to my involvement in the church so I initially allowed myself to read it.
One exercise in that book was to do something she calls 'morning pages'. You take 3 blank pages every morning, and write... stream of consciousness... whatever comes to mind. If you think it, you write it down. Nobody reads your morning pages...ever. You don't censor anything.
At first I'd have upsets with the church and I'd think a thought but it would be closely followed by another thought... such as...
'I can't think that!!!'... but the rule was if you think it you write it down.
In doing this, I started to explore my spiritual prison and discovered it was just that.
Then, quite by accident I stumbled upon the alterations of Ron Hubbard's writings... by RTC. I was aghast! I couldn't believe the tech was being altered. So I did my own comparisons with
old tapes I'd bought in the '70's and their newly released versions. I found they indeed were changed.
So I rolled up my sleeves and went to the internet. I started searching for anything and everything I could get my hands on.
The only things I would not go near were things about Ron.
Finally I decided to look there as well.
I discovered he was a liar. His entire past was a lie.
He lied about his war records. He lied about everything.
He stole his ideas from lots of earlier writings. I found them all.
That was the final straw. I wondered about the feelings of
euphoria I'd felt while auditing on the OT levels and how to explain that... Then I read the writings about the effects of
small amounts of electricity constantly being put through your body, and that explained that.
I found the answers.
Since I left, now just about 3 years ago... my life has opened up in ways I never would have imagined. My relationship with my immediate family is so much better. My life is productive and successful. I have so many people who have become friends.
I never would have appreciated real freedom had I not been imprisoned in the cult for 30 years. I do indeed know what real freedom is. It's not being in that suffocating lie called the church of scientology. And it's not believing that one man knew it all. There is so much wisdom, knowledge and awareness in life and it's such a pleasure to be able to experience it.

8. Do you think the Church of Scientology needs to change some of its practices? If so, what should be changed? How did those practices affect your life?
There is so much of it that would have to change that it wouldn't survive. It's all built on control, manipulation and fear. Its entire foundation is a lie and it's founder a liar.

The practices in the church affected my life by cutting me off from life. It stunted my growth. It stunted my growth as a person, an artist, and my spiritual growth.
I am becoming more and more successful every day. My life is better than I could have imagined. I wonder what I could have done with my life, had I been able to grow and mature naturally rather being conditioned and mind controlled. Now I am on a course to make up for the lost time.

9. If the items you listed in the previous question were changed, would you consider rejoining or staying in the Church of Scientology? If so, why?
I would never go anywhere near that cult again, in eternity, for
any reason.

10. Any additional comments you would like to make?
I believe everything is a lesson. Every experience can be of benefit. I learned a lot from my experiences in the church.
I learned after leaving...what real freedom is. I have it now, every day.
I learned to never be trapped again. I know the pitfalls and I won't stumble. I know what to watch for. And I truly appreciate
people and life now. Perhaps had I never been involved, I would not have the wealth of life I now enjoy. I hope my write up here helps others who are trapped or who may be thinking of getting involved. Just really look before you join. They lie to you.

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